Last Wednesday, I met my friend, Liz, for dinner at The Tavern at Lark Creek, the re-make of the Lark Creek Inn. As I drove into Larkspur with the windows down, I took in the smell. Pine and wood fires mixed in the air.

Sitting down across from Liz, I spewed out my latest wedding trial. The planner in Mexico has been giving me the run around. I came to the conclusion that she’s evasive on purpose so that I will just give-up on the details and succumb to her plan. She doesn’t know me very well. Now, it’s like a contest I feel I have to win. A battle of will through email. Liz got the brunt of my breakdown from the day. Poor thing. Emotions run so high and prickly around a wedding. Since I’d let all my emotions flow to the Coach, to a friend over lunch and almost on my wedding dress alterations lady, I was ready to talk about something else with Liz.

At my Ladies’ Weekend in Sonoma, a gaggle of women surrounded Liz with questions about dating. Was she dating? Who had she been seeing? How was she meeting men? Liz is in her early 40s, never been married and a real hot tamale. My friend who initially paired me with the Coach, jumped at the chance to set-up Liz. At our table in the Tavern I asked, “Have you heard from him yet?”

“No,” she said with a sigh. And there was another guy. Neither of them had called. “Why don’t they call?” she asked.

The answer to that; they simply aren’t ready. I’m glad they haven’t called if they’re not ready for Liz. How many times over the last 10 years have I questioned, “Why hasn’t he called?”

Who cares?!?!? Put the focus back on you. What can you do to bring dates and presumably love into your life? Principle #4: Are You Dating? Put Your Self Out There. Really Out There.

Our dinner came. We chatted more. Liz’s work was picking up. She had tons of irons in the fire, people calling her, and probably some offers she would turn down. And one employer said, “If you want, double dip. We can’t stop you.”

As I write this, I think, “What a great analogy for Liz’s dating life.” She’s got a few, weak irons in the fire, but she’s not being proactive about putting herself out there like she does for work.

When I decided to Date With A Purpose, I had a plan for getting dates. Simple. I put myself out there. Really out there.

In 2007, I met up with one of my mentors from a local ad agency in SF. We worked together for years. He was a great sounding board. Over drinks, he asked, “Travis, what are you up to?”

The first thing I said was not about work or finding work or doing work. I did not want work to become my identity. No. The first thing I said because it was my new priority was, “I’m dating.”

You should have seen the look on this man’s face. He wasn’t expecting that. I didn’t stop there, but explained in a positive, open way, “You know, I’ve put work as my first priority my whole career. Because of that, it has been my first priority. It left no room for a wonderful man to walk into my life. I’m creating room now for him.”

Anytime someone would ask, “How are you?” or “What are you up to?” The above answer was my go-to speech. The key I found was letting go of the striving energy or any sort of pushing. I simply stated a fact that was true for me.

It didn’t stop there. I put my money where my mouth was and invested in a dating service. When I tell people this they look shocked. “You?” they say, “A dating service?” I spent thousands of dollars for a high-end service. You know why?

IT’S HARD TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. IT’S HARD TO GET A DATE.

I know. After a certain age and having an established network of friends and colleagues, it’s hard to meet new people. You have to put your self out there. Get creative.

I’m not saying you need to invest in a service. This was the right thing for me. What I am suggesting is staying positive, allowing dating to be a priority, and really putting your self out there will change your dating energy. Opening up and leavingspace beside you means someone one will sit down.

You know my Manhattan hottie I wrote about last week? She left a message saying she was at Little Giant seeing some friends. (A real NYC culinary treat!) A man sat next to her, started a conversation and then asked her out. She said the excuses started to pop in her head, but she thought about my post last week. She ignored all of them and simply said, “Yes.”

Put Your Self Out There. DATE! If you’re not putting yourself out there, how will you be found?

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[Photo from ser is snarkish via Flickr]