On Saturday, the Coach and I enjoyed a long lunch down at Sam’s in Tiburon with friends. We met two young ladies sitting next to us. They had Table Topics with them. Do you know these cards? I love them. When the Coach took me on our first weekend away to Costanoa, I was so worried that we’d run out of things to talk about that I bought Dating Table Topics at the General Store. The ‘topics’ spark conversation and can give insight into another’s values, principles and tastes.

Anyway, as we answered topics, three young men sat down near us. After we ran out of the Table Topic cards, the young women piped up with a new game. It was silly, off-color and fun. Soon, the young men were playing with us. And then, we were all sitting together albeit the young men on the right, and the young ladies on the left. When it came time for the guys to leave, I leaned over asking, “Are you going to ask for the young ladies’ numbers?”

Now, I do not claim to be a matchmaker. People ask this a lot of me; do I have someone for them to date? The answer is usually, no. But if an opportunity is sitting right beside me, I can hardly help myself.

The young man I asked said, no, he had a girlfriend. But the other guy next to him looked at me and said, “Yes. Why not?”

A little example of how all of us can use a nudge once in awhile. He got up. Went over to the ladies and asked the blonde for her number. After the guys left, I said to her, “Isn’t that great? He asked for your number. What is your impression of him?”

Immediately without hesitation, she replied, “Well, he doesn’t have any tats (tattoos).” This young woman had body art, and she wanted a man with art, too. She was simply ‘throwing’ this guy away because he seemingly did not have tattoos. I looked at her and said, “How do you know he doesn’t have tattoos? Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them.’

This is an extreme example of something I see men and women do all the time; create barriers to partnership. She was judging him based on something she actually did not know to be true.

In Dating With A Purpose™, I noticed I tended to do this also. I created barriers to partnership by judging too quickly. When I met the Coach on a blind date, he listed off a background that was eerily similar to someone I dated from college and that he knew. In my head, I immediately classified the Coach as one of those “jocks” judging him based on insufficient knowledge. On our third date, I opened up to him saying I was afraid he was just like this other guy. The Coach listened and said in his quiet confident manner, “But I’m not like him at all. I moved out west and live a completely different life.”

He was right. He was entirely different. But because of the barriers to partnership I was creating, I almost missed learning this about him allowing him to speak instead of my fear speaking for him.

I know that I created barriers to partnership by judging men before getting all of the information. My ego found it so much easier to judge than to be open, vulnerable and accepting. In practicing the Dating With A Purpose Principles™, I kept an open mind. Before this, I know I passed on men because they weren’t tall enough (although I’m only 5’1’’), didn’t have enough hair, weren’t cute enough, funny enough, old enough, young enough. You fill in the ENOUGH blank. Enough already!

The key for me in Dating With A Purpose™ was being more conscious and open.

• What are the barriers to partnership that you are creating?
• How can you be more conscious and open?

Consider practicing opening up to your date and telling him or her your fear or worry. You might find as I did with the Coach, a person willing to meet those fears head on with you. Now that is creating partnership.

[Photo from Guillaume Brialon via Flickr]