“You had some expectations didn’t you?” the Coach said to me in the bathroom of our hotel. I was looking at him, I was feeling salty, and a bad mood had overtaken my day, but as I listened to him, I shrugged and said, “You’re right.”

The Coach and I are on vacation this week annualizing a trip we took last year where the Coach gets to play his game with his clan. Last year was fun, really fun, but somehow on our first day here, I didn’t see the same enjoyment, camaraderie and purpose of last year. I came into this trip with unconscious expectations, the worst kind.

I wasn’t going to write this week. Then over breakfast a dear friend on the phone said, “Write about your vacation.”

Over our coffee, the Coach said, “Why don’t you write about expectations and how they connect to dating?” I sincerely love this man. He’s right on.

Having unconscious expectations about our trip caused me to be disappointed. (I’m over it now as I sit next to the icy flow of the Colorado River looking at a clear blue sky). I slipped back into my judgment mode of looking at the outside in my mind’s conversation – “This person didn’t make the trip, I’m the only one without kids, etc., etc.” – to find disappointment when the real disappointment was created by my own expectations.

Have you ever done this while dating? I use to go into a date having expectations based on what someone told me about the man. When I Dated With A Purpose, I became very conscious that my expectations could ruin a date and a chance to get to know someone. When going into a meeting, a situation or a date, softness and openness is needed. When I go into a situation as I did on this vacation, closed, unconsciously expecting an outcome, I’m always disappointed.

It’s probably not possible to go on every date with openness and a child-like wonder due to the day we had or how our body feels (cramps anyone?). I think it is possible to become more aware of the unconscious expectations that we take on our dates.

If you have the time before your next date, take a moment to write down as fast as you can all the things you expect out of the date, from the guy, etc. Is the list long? Is it short? What are you expecting?

I wish I had done this before our vacation. I got over the self-created disappointment in a day, but why waste a day of vacation? And why put your expectations on a man you just met?

[Photo from luvpublishing via Flickr]