Viva La Vie: How Low Woods You Go?

By Kimberly Miller - December 3, 2009

When it comes to updating my Facebook status, I almost always try to use it in the most professional way : informing my various networks about of-the-moment happenings as they pertain to Vivanista, my friends’ businesses, etc., etc. However, every once in a blue moon, I get a hankering to express my feelings on a particular topic of controversial nature, be it politics or Hollywood.

I have never, in the history of updating my status, experienced what ensued yesterday after posting a comment about the latest antics of Tiger Woods. The debate, jokes, puns, and otherwise that were continually posted to my wall only propelled voyeurs to chime in with their own quips. The dialogue was, in fact, so hilarious that I feel compelled to memorialize it forever in this article.

Now I must preface this with the fact that I posted my initial status late Tuesday evening. I awoke Wednesday to discover the beginning of what would ultimately become an entire day of joking.

With that, I bring you the initial post and 22 comments also know as…

Cheetah Woods Chatter

My initial status post: Love that Tiger sext messaged his mistress and asked her to send him “something naughty”…what is he, twelve?? Further proof that stripes never change, and no, we aren’t stupid enough to believe wifey used the golf club to “help him out of the car” -LOL!!! Can you say putz?

Comment #1: Golf club through the back window as the car drives away. Yeahhhh. She was definitely trying to “help”.

Me: Right?! Hilarious! You can’t write this stuff it’s so good. Why didn’t someone send him the memo that you have to keep the balls on the course when Mercury is in retrograde?! Not a good week to swing your club around…hahaha!

Comment #3: Holy @#%*, I had no idea that is what happened! No wonder he won’t do the tournament now and wouldn’t talk to police! What a boob.

Comment #4: Well put, Kim! I knew that was the real story…my dad insists nobody would even *think* of cheating on Tiger’s wife, but…well…men are men. Can’t live with em, can’t (often) get away with smashing their windows with golf clubs

Comment #5: You women are ALL so squeaky clean aren’t you?….

Comment #6: Alex, not necessarily. We just know how to bust some shit up when we’re pissed. I’m sure affairs were no surprise to this gal. Something else about it made her insert a club through glass. Maybe the pending publicity? Dunno. But something made her go postal this time. And that, any gal can understaaaannnd.

Comment #7: Read above, “men are men.” Well women are women too and there is plenty of blame to go around in this world. Men and women share equally in this type of bad behavior. Thats all I’m saying Goodnight

Comment #8: Gives a whole new meaning to, “nice drive”

Comment #9: MM, that’s good.

Comment #10: I mean who’s gonna believe a story like that, it’s such a “long shot”

Comment #11: Jen – I’m with you, and, btw, good for her for using a freakin golf club!

Comment #12: “One wood” have to imagine she was at the “Pinnacle” of anger. But that is really on par for most women who play with cheaters. I wonder that the penalty is for extramarital strokes? COME ON PEOPLE, this is GOLD!!!!

Comment #13: The whole thing just really T’s me off.

Comment #14: Yeah, it’s really not the fairway to act

Comment #15: (seems to me there may be a lot of missed opportunity with sand trap, water obstacle, and “in the rough” – just saying, not trying to be caddy:)

Comment #16: So much more to swing into here, let’s not let it putter out

Me: Okay, you guys are seriously cracking me up. And here the poor guy was just looking for a hole in one…

Comment #18: Too bad he landed in the rough. At least he’s not handicapped.

Comment #19: I hear he is great at FORE play!

Comment #20: This will certainly drive a wedge through their marrage, but maybe she’ll give him a mulligan. On the other hand, she just may get a chip on her shoulder. Okay, I’m done. Seriously, no more cheap shots.

Comment #21: Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he’s been club champion for three years running and I’m no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don’t sell yourself short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch.

Comment #22: Kimberly, this should be published. Hilarious.

And there you have it.