As one who teaches philanthropy and legacy planning, I often ask women: Is your voice heard at the planning table where the big dollars are planned? Even today, the consensus is that women are often not heard when the family’s overall wealth is planned by advisers.

Is Your Voice Heard?

State of the Conversation:

Here is the wisdom of several distinguished women with whom I have discussed these issues.

Tracy Gary, of Inspired Legacies:

“Women ARE the family change makers and family conveners, most consistently over time.”

Marty Carter, of Baton Consulting:

“I have been fortunate to sit at the planning table with financial advisors and see the conversation with clients through eyes of a communication coach.”

Margaret May Damen, of The Institute for Women and Wealth:

“Permission seems to be the word. It is not so much that women don’t participate because they don’t want to participate. I think it is a couple of different stigmas or taboos that have been instilled in their value system at an early age – i.e. the first 18 years when they form values that last a life-time from the peer-personality influence of their generational archetype…. Women need to give themselves or hear someone else give them the permission to give larger, more meaningful and impactful gifts that stretch their belief in their own value to make a difference. And when you couple that with Financial Advisors and allied professionals changing their attitude and perception of who gives to include a dialogue with both partners on financial and estate matters then I think there will be more parity in giving and more input form the women, especially in situations where the money has been made by the man….”

Here are some observations:

• The notion of women participating in financial planning has gained favor though still not seen as a necessity
• My experience working in the South found mythologies still exist: “don’t worry her pretty little head, I’ll take care of her.” (Honestly, a client said that to me only a couple of years ago!)
• I’ve witnessed financial advisors missing the mark, unintentionally, by not addressing a woman’s silence. Silence does not always mean agreement and well-crafted plans can go awry when advisors fail to engage everyone at the table in conversation.
• Women are often referred to as the Chief Emotional Officer of the family. A good plan needs to address financial AND family dynamics to create a productive plan that tells folks how much they need to live on the rest of their lives and how much is available to give away. The CEO of the family is probably more knowledgeable about what is going on in her family that could affect the plan than anyone at the table.

Stepping Up!

All of us benefit when women come to the legacy planning process to speak for what truly matters, not only the money, but for the success of the family and the success of the communities in which our families participate. As a woman, peer, professional, citizen, giving person, as the defender of what matters most – Please Lead!